Thirteen

Posted on June 13, 2014

I don’t buy into the superstition guff of Friday 13th etc, yet I’d never walk under a ladder. Don’t want to see a window cleaner’s backside – having said that, they don’t climb ladders but use fancy water brushes and hoses. Lightweights.

Been a dull day. Had a wander round Aldi to see why it’s the new Waitrose – yes it’s cheap and looks good quality but gluten free looks non existent. Saw some dairy free chocolate buttons and that was about it. I might try a shop there next week though it did have that butchery bleachy odour. Odd smell.

Missed my counselling session but my counsellor, a kindly chap, wasn’t going to let me get away with forgetting to attend. No he phoned me, even insisting it was his fault, so as I didn’t commit suicide or wevs. I love running through the trauma questionnaire – picking a number between 1 and 8 for various questions.

Do you have suicidal thoughts? Every day, some days, rarely.

Not the cheeriest of polls but it provides a mood and depression total, mine’s still severe despite medications, blogging, being off work, going to Center Parcs, etc. I don’t think Aldi is a mood lifter either.

I’ve got something of a dilemma now – fight on or fly away. I blogged earlier about wanting to fight, but I’m a bit punch drunk and I honestly think the best mood and depression lifter wouldn’t be a day in Waitrose or Milton Keynes (no irony, I love MK), but having a purpose to get up for apart from cycling to school, rotating washing loads, supervising the dishwasher and hunting the wife’s missing shoe.

That’s still not appeared BTW.

By the time blog Thirty is written and published, I’ll know what my future holds.

Another cliché – or superstition – is “Never go back.”

Is that true? Have people ever gone back to jobs and found it okay? I’ve only done it with holidays, campsites and cities – and I must fess up I keep going back to Great Yarmouth – for #chips.

But back to a workplace and job that put me here? Or should I do something new?

Flight or fight? Stay or go? Old or new?

Only I can decide those answers …


1 Reply to "Thirteen"

  • Vicky
    June 13, 2014 (9:04 pm)
    Reply

    I think self esteem is a governing force in aspects of how we function as teachers. If we set aside the vocational and philosophical approaches to the profession for a moment the day to day stuff contains a lot of theatre (knowing your lines, giving your performance, reading and responding to your audience) and leans on personal self esteem.
    This latter point comes into play when it hits the fan especially with students. I feel that to succeed in the difficult situations, a strong sense of your own significance is required to generate the inner voice of “who the f*** does he/she think they are talking to” because as we know, it’s tough in there.
    Teachers who stay the course, progress through the system are usually those with a strong sense of self.
    Consequently, the inner turmoil of fight or flight decisions is huge. On my laptop there is a file “should I stay or should I go”, trying to quantify those issues is very hard, defining the issues meaningfully on a pros and cons chart is hard because feelings and emotions are hard to define.
    For me, I am relatively healthy….but want to stay that way so I decided that the couple of extra years salary just couldn’t be justified against being well enough to enjoy me pension.
    Good luck with your decision but just as we have all told kids, it takes strength to walk away.


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