Roy’s Rolls

Posted on September 24, 2015

I’ve often wondered, as a fanboy of Coronation Street, what living in Weatherfield would be like, as a coeliac.

In my 40 years of watching it, I’ve only heard Coeliac Disease mentioned once – when Leanne in the Bistro was a bit disparaging about someone wanting gluten free. Cow. Sort Simon out, I say before you take anger out on us coeliacs.

What would I do there, if I was dropped on the cobbles, with my dietary needs?

The Rover’s Return only seems to do Betty’s Hot Pot (which I can’t imagine she adapted by leaving a second gluten free recipe before she died), sandwiches and crisps – which I guess would be Walkers – after Annie? So I’d starve there. I’ve never seen Fiz, Kirk, Kev or Tyrone drink anything other than pints or bottled Newton and Ridley lager.

Granted Emily opts for sherry and Carla several bottles of red wine – but would I be accepted by the blue collar workers if I asked Liz for a Harvey’s Bristol Cream each day?

Roy Cropper is a strange one too – okay we know he plays a character with Asperger’s superbly – but where are his gluten free offerings? He’s OCD and fastidious but never would think of me. Well he might order a gluten free loaf but I’m certain Anna Windass would pop it in the toaster and say “Sorry love I never thought.”

I think I’d add some allergy pizazz to the show.

In the Bistro I could ask to see their allergen information whilst Gavin tuts, or completely mind blow Chesney by asking for a kebab – without pitta bread and with no cross contamination.

I really think this could work – I’d be the coeliac equivalent of an irritating fly and could easily be shoehorned into the show as Norris’s younger brother, who he’s not seen for 30 years.

Would it work?

ITV come and get me.

I’m waiting.

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