Fifteen

Posted on June 15, 2014

15th June, a special day, for us coeliacs and males. It’s the date bread and flour was first rationed in Holland in 1940. Interesting little known fact but for us gluten allergics a landmark. Children and adults, I presume, in Holland, who had complained of stomach cramps and diarrhoea, went into recovery as bread became a rarity. I know it goes further back in History – I’m sure I read once that Aristotle and Julius Caesar were undiagnosed coeliacs.

So today, 74 years ago, coeliac disease was effectively discovered.

Related to bowel movements, the downstairs toilet is blocked – we’re resorting to using Greek-Cypriot tactics of no toilet paper dropped in there until I can summon the willpower to thread the Hozelock hosepipe – couldn’t resist name dropping – from the manhole up the drain to the toilet.

In a perverse way, it’s actually quite exciting – that gush of urine, paper and excrement is akin to getting consecutive strikes in bowling. I’ll have to dress appropriately. I’ve had a shower and shaved and donned my Ralph Lauren clothes from a bygone era when we had money.

Crocs and old clothes will be donned as I enter the manhole to thread the hose through – I think of it as a DIY endoscopy of the Edwardian drains, without the camera and biopsy obvs.

I might go all Gillian McKeith and prod the stools to see whose they are and what caused the blockage.

Afterwards, another shower, uncorking the fine bottle of Rioja I received, chomping the gluten free chocolates and ordering an Indian takeaway as a Father’s Day treat from Planet Poppadom – yes a real name – knowing that whatever the curry does to us, the downstairs toilet will cope.

As it says on my daughter’s home made card, Anyone can be a Father, it takes someone special to be a daddy.

I’m the daddy in da drain.


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