Unmerry Christmas – contains graphic motions

Posted on December 26, 2014

Christmas

Just read a lovely email from someone in education who has followed my blogs and recognises the type of toxic workplace I left.

I’d like to say I’ve never been healthier since I left teaching in August, left to become an estate agent, which I left in October to form my own Limited Company, with a business partner.

This Christmas has been the worst ever health-wise: I’ve been ill since last Saturday, bedridden since Monday, missed Christmas day dinner, and have surfaced today, Boxing Day, as I’m sick of solitary confinement.

Now I can’t decide what’s gone on – it’s left me though 1 and half stone lighter, sallow and gaunt, with the only comfort being that I’ve realised why a dog is man’s best friend. He’s been beside me night and day, upstairs and downstairs, that cute Labrador puppy, enriched with soothing Aloe Vera and Vitamin E.

CSI Norfolk have traced it back to last Wednesday as a potential starting spot – when I risked Genius Steak Pies, which I’d highlighted the week before on my Facebook, as having been recalled for containing chilli beans. At £3.00 for two, though, I was prepared to risk gluten russian roulette. The pies are being examined by forensics.

Friday, I had a takeaway – usual dishes, same venue – accompanied by Bombay Sapphire (white one) and tonic.

Saturday ill – went to Kings Lynn to collect a new Mini, unable to drive it though cos of stomach cramps.

Classic pre-diagnosis behaviour of unbuttoning jeans and distended belly. Sunday – flatulence issues. Monday wiped out.

I’ve never missed a Christmas dinner with my wife and children before. It felt odd listening to the crackers explode whilst me and the puppy laid side by side.

Lot of time to ponder though – gone from glutened on Google to norovirus to food poisoning. Bacterial and viral infections. And then the big ones – ulcerative colitis, Crohns Disease and Bowel Cancer.

NHS Direct were phoned with me being asked, via my wife, a series of questions; a series of prods and feels, long descriptions of stools, and the risks of dehydration.

Norovirus settled on. I’m not convinced. I’ll accept it though for the time being and sorry for the blog.

Merry Christmas everyone 🙁

 


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